the twenty first

I told myself that when the clock strikes twelve, I want to be doing something that I love.
And so, I turned 21 while moving back and forth on a swing at the playground.
Jo was beside me.
And she said: “mal, this is the eleventh time im wishing you happy birthday!”
We have been best friends since primary five till now.
At the moment, its like an emotion rush. Terribly mixed feelings.

I can feel myself as a child, gobbling up my lunch during recess so that I can make a trip to the bookshop or play girly games with my friends.
I can feel myself being so nervous about getting PSLE result. And how happy I was when I saw the score.
When I was 14, I met my first love. The one with the nicest dimples ever. I’ll never forget the first kiss that we had. And all the playful times we spent together.
And the breakup. And the patch up. And the break up again.
I can feel the sugar rush in me as I thought of all the swoon-worthy boys that I’ve met in polytechnic.
Hockey.
Projects.
Presentation.
Exams.
My favourite bunch of bimbos that I met during my second year at Sentosa.
Internship at Singapore Tourism Board. Where my body clock was totally wired the wrong way. I woke up at wee hour in the morning and slept at wee hour in the morning as well.
That very moment when I saw his profile on the computer.
All the msn conversations that we shared.
Those random phone calls.
Botanical garden with lil boshy at weird time of the night.
All those times, with him, I was overwhelmed with a special kind of happiness.
And the abrupt ending of everything.
the ending that I dont want at all.
the ending that I never once thought will ever happened.
but it happened. somehow.





Still, Im a happy girl on my 21st.
26th of June: Thanks for the wonderful day at Sentosa. The scapebook, the flower, the balloon, the gift and mostly, the love.
27th of June: Thanks for all the birthday wishes. (: Birthday song at Marbleslab which made me feel like hiding my face behind a paperbag with two holes for my eyes. The pretty surprise flower delivered while im working. and the surprise presence of joyce and fishy.The cozy sweet family dinner at Jumbo Seafood whereI tasted the most delicious prawns ever. (:
The night ended so well.
28th of June: Training at marbleslab with a bunch of funloving people. and the wonderful dinner with the bims. The huge collection of my favourite kinder bueno! and love the stupid game that we played though joyce and I lost horrifyingly.

this week is packed.
still,
I'll try to squeeze in those random 21st dinner. (: thanks for the thoughts, you and you and you.

(: